Conversations With A Monk — Chapter 3: Taming The Restless Mind
A series exploring timeless wisdom for modern life
The monk invited Aryan to his home on the banks of the Mahi river.
Aryan reached there as soon as he got free from work. The monk was sitting right outside his cottage in a meditative posture, immersed in bliss, seemingly untouched by the anxieties of the world.
He opened his eyes and looked at Aryan with an endearing smile, “Welcome to my humble abode.”
Aryan was visibly distracted. The board meeting that evening had not gone very well. His mind was preoccupied with worries and anxieties around it, feelings he was quite familiar with.
“I don’t know how to stop thinking,” he blurted out.
The monk had already perceived his restlessness.
“About what?” he asked.
“About everything. Issues at work, my growth, promotion. Whether I’m making the right decisions. Whether I’ll earn enough money. About my family, my parents. I constantly think about everything.”
“Even now, half of me is somewhere inside my inbox,” he admitted apologetically.
The monk smiled softly.
“Has your worrying solved any of those problems?”
Aryan hesitated.
“Not really. But if I stop thinking, I feel irresponsible. Someone has to stay prepared.”
“Preparation is useful. But obsession is not.”
“Tell me,” the monk questioned, “if your office asks you to solve a problem six months from now, can you do it?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why does your mind attempt to do that every waking hour?”
Aryan laughed quietly. “Because it believes if it thinks long enough, it can control what hasn’t happened.”
The monk nodded.
“Exactly.”
A silence settled between them.
Finally, the monk spoke again. “Most people think they are planning, but in truth, they are rehearsing fear.”
Aryan frowned. “Fear?”
“Notice your thoughts. How many begin with ‘What if...?’”
Aryan reflected.
“What if the project fails?”
“What if I disappoint everyone?”
“What if someone overtakes me?”
“What if I never become successful enough?”
He sighed.
“Almost all of them.”
“The mind labels it planning because planning sounds productive. But underneath it is fear asking for certainty.”
The words landed heavily.
The monk stole a glance at the river nearby before continuing.
“The future is unfinished. The mind dislikes unfinished things. Hence, it keeps returning to them, hoping repetition will produce certainty.”
“Modern minds have become addicted to unfinished futures,” he observed.
“Addicted?” said Aryan.
“Every future possibility promises one thing.”
“What?”
“Relief.”
“If I get promoted... I’ll relax.”
“If I earn more... I’ll finally feel secure.”
“If this project succeeds... then I’ll be happy.”
“But the moment one future arrives, the mind manufactures another.”
Aryan nodded slowly. “It’s true.”
“I achieved everything I dreamed about five years ago. But my mind has not stopped.”
The monk looked directly at him.
“Because the addiction was never to success.”
“It was to becoming.”
“The mind keeps saying, ‘Not yet. Just one more achievement. One more milestone. Then we can rest.’”
Aryan felt a knot tighten inside him.
“So how do I stop?”
The monk smiled.
“You don’t stop by fighting thoughts. You stop by giving the mind something deeper than thought.”
He looked into Aryan’s eyes and asked, “Tell me something.”
“What is missing from this moment?”
Aryan looked around.
Verdant shrubs and trees blanketed the landscape. Chirping birds drank from the softly lapping river. The fragrance of fresh flowers permeated the air. For the first time, he noticed it.
After a long pause, he answered quietly.
“Nothing.”
The monk nodded.
“Yet your mind insists this moment is incomplete because it is comparing it to an imaginary future.”
Aryan remained silent.
“Most suffering is not caused by the present. It is caused by resisting the present while bargaining with the future.”
Aryan pondered on that deeply.
“Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita:
Yato yato niścarati manaś cañcalam asthiram
Tatas tato niyamyaitad ātmany eva vaśaṁ nayet.
Meaning:
“Wherever the restless and unsteady mind wanders, let one gently bring it back and place it under the control of the Self.” (6.26)
The first thing he says, is to notice the mind has wandered. He knows it will, he assumes it will. Hence, the first step is recognizing, “My mind has drifted into worry, desire, memory, or fear.”
Notice his language — gently bring it back. Krishna does not advocate suppressing thoughts or fighting the mind. He says, each time the mind wanders, you simply bring it back. Back to what? To an anchor. It could be:
the breath,
the present moment,
the object of meditation,
or ultimately, awareness of the Self.
The emphasis is on repetition, not perfection. When you do this frequently, you will observe a shift — the frequency of the mind’s wandering will reduce, and you will stop drifting away along with every pull of the mind.
The monk picked up a small stone lying at his feet.
“Would you like to learn a practice?”
“Please.”
The Monk’s Inner Mastery Method
Visualization Practice: Staying with the Anchor
The monk placed the stone in Aryan’s palm.
“Close your eyes.”
Aryan obeyed.
“Do not try to stop your thoughts.”
“Simply notice the weight of the stone.”
“The coolness against your skin.”
“The sensation of your breath.”
“When a thought about tomorrow appears, do nothing.”
“Do not argue with it. Do not follow it.”
“Gently return to the feeling of the stone... and the breath.”
A minute passed. Then another.
When Aryan opened his eyes, something had softened.
“The thoughts didn’t disappear.”
“They weren’t supposed to.”
“But they became quieter,” Aryan said.
The monk smiled gently. “Because for a few moments, your attention came home.”
“Stillness is not the absence of thought. It is the freedom to choose where your attention rests.”
The monk continued, “I urge you to do this practice for five to ten minutes every day. Use a stone or any object as an anchor. If nothing is available, rest your attention on your breath, go along with the inhale and exhale, making the breath your anchor.”
Know-Yourself Ritual
“In your journal, write down every worry that is currently occupying your mind.
Now, circle only those you can act on today.
This way, you set priorities for your mind. It has something to chew on and work on, rather than running in every direction.”
The Return Challenge
The monk said to Aryan: “For the next seven days, I do not want you to stop your thoughts. That is not your task.”
Aryan looked puzzled.
“Instead, each time you catch your mind wandering into tomorrow—planning, worrying, rehearsing conversations, imagining outcomes—simply pause.”
“Take one slow breath.”
“Then ask yourself, ‘What is actually happening right now?’“
“Notice five things you can see, three sounds you can hear, and the feeling of your feet on the ground.”
“That is all.”
He continued after a pause:
“This week, don’t measure how often your mind wanders. Measure how often you remember to return.“
“Your future will always ask for your attention,” said the monk.
“But your life...”
He paused.
“...is only ever happening here.”
The conversation paused here. The lesson did not.
Until next time, sit with this question:
“Am I planning, or am I rehearsing fear?”
This is an ongoing dialogue between the monk and the seeker. You might want to browse through some of the previous dialogues:
Very deep. Thanks for these.
This is beautifully written. Thank you Isha Tewari🙏🏽